Silence is golden

I love sitting here at my computer desk and hearing almost nothing. The sound of the keyboard tapping as I type is oddly soothing.
After a long day of children crying, whining, and screaming, just about any other sound is soothing.

My kids have really kept me on my toes lately.
Kade has decided that he hates his wheelchair. I've tried to make him as comfortable as possible but it's obviously not working. Today I even let him sit his bath chair. He really enjoyed it but his little butt kept sliding down the chair, regardless of how tight I made his lap restraint. I didn't want to make the strap too tight because he has an abnormally high pain tolerance. He would never be able to let me know it was too tight.
I did feel a tinge of relief when his physical therapist told me she learned at a recent conference that spastic children are the most difficult to fit into special needs equipment. Now I know Kade probably isn't the only child having a hard time. I can only hope Kade will adjust better to his chair as he grows older.

Xavier, oh my goodness, Xavier.
He can almost bring me to tears sometimes. I've been working so hard on teaching Xavier how to say what he wants. The constant whining instead of being verbal is so nerve wracking to me. I have so much more patience for Kade's inablility to speak because it's part of his disability.
Xavier really doesn't have a reason for his silence.
I have caught him talking in a whisper. I encourage him to talk louder but he's unwilling. Honestly, the rest of Xaviers behavior doesn't bother me. He's a typical 1 1/2 year old. He's going to get into things, he's going to push the displinary boundaires with me. He's supposed to.
But the whining. I wish he would cry instead. I would even take a tantrum over the whining.
Most nights I have so much guilt over the relief I feel when Xavier goes to bed. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough, maybe I need to learn his signals better...but I could "maybe" myself til the cows come home.
Sometimes kids are difficult. It's that plain and simple.

The sooner any parent learns that, the better off they'll be.

I need to call the school system tomorrow. My husband and I have decided against all the evaluations the school wants to do on Kade. If I remember correctly, he doesn't need to be tested in order to attend school.
Each evaluation takes an hour and aside from the psychological portion, Kade has done the others many times before. It will only cause him distress and for what? So the school can say they have done it? He has almost 3 years worth of papers that will show the State has already done the same.
There is nothing left to prove. Kaeden can do what he can do and for now that's not going to change. At some point it's time to say enough is enough.

Hopefully the kids will be in a better mood tomorrow. *crosses fingers*.